dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
