i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
