I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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