It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
