burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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