How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
