I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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