I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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