can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
