I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
