I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
