Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
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