I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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