is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
