mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
