even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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