'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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