My liver just broke up with me...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
