It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
