I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
