Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.

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(402): Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES. http://tfl.nu/mubn

Replies (11) Good night (1717) Bad night (645)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?

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(615): Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN? http://tfl.nu/nemo

Replies (9) Good night (3211) Bad night (1145)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.

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(401): okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly. http://tfl.nu/8lsw

Replies (20) Good night (4514) Bad night (1278)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina

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(504): it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina http://tfl.nu/k8v5

Replies (16) Good night (902) Bad night (8410)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.

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(978): Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win. http://tfl.nu/r148

Replies (13) Good night (8899) Bad night (1090)
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(813): View more from Florida

Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?

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(813): Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room? http://tfl.nu/bp9i

Replies (14) Good night (5124) Bad night (2495)
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(251): View more from Alabama

I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.

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(251): I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight. http://tfl.nu/6i3x

Replies (13) Good night (4800) Bad night (1377)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."

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(724): She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you." http://tfl.nu/lx6r

Replies (4) Good night (2526) Bad night (1272)
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(480): View more from Arizona

you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...

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(480): you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future... http://tfl.nu/18be

Replies (5) Good night (1808) Bad night (1303)
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(503): View more from Oregon

Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.

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(503): Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here. http://tfl.nu/jknc

Replies (13) Good night (1350) Bad night (701)
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(703): View more from Virginia

Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other

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(703): Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other http://tfl.nu/yr17

Replies (1) Good night (1441) Bad night (571)
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(951): View more from California

DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness

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(951): DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness http://tfl.nu/qa2j

Replies (4) Good night (872) Bad night (567)
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(734): View more from Michigan

Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.

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(734): Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/2s7h

Replies (9) Good night (1649) Bad night (849)
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(515): View more from Iowa

If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.

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(515): If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting. http://tfl.nu/i2k9

Replies (0) Good night (504) Bad night (324)
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(204): View more from Manitoba

I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...

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(204): I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole... http://tfl.nu/hsw3

Replies (0) Good night (430) Bad night (217)

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