If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
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we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
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I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me