She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
