I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.