Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?

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(623): View more from Arizona

she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.

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(310): View more from California

i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets

(818): View more from California

julia child would be proud.

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(914): View more from New York

Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(905): View more from Ontario

Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.

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(775): View more from Nevada

He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors

(1-775): View more from Nevada

Fuck he won the bet

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(323): View more from California

He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him

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(917): View more from New York City

He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.

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