I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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