Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
