I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
