I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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