one two three fourrrrnication!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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