Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
