don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
