My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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