Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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