Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize