Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
