listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
How external is "for external use only"?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
