just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
