i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
