We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
