that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize