Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
