i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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