the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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