Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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