i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
