i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
