Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
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I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
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IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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