cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
