I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
