My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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