I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
