Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
we're so committed to being not committed
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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