so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
