but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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