oh god the rape fog is back!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
