i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
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