You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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