Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
