last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Did I show you my penis last night?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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