Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Damn victory sex feels great
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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