I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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