I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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