watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
