i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I can't turn off my feet"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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