Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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