Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Two words: blizzard sex
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
