omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
