I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
