They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
