omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
