You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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