Umm I'm too high to move.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
