so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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