what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
