ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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