my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
