Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
