There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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