Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
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Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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