Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
