Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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